


Losing My Religion

by DeanLantern



Series: But you're a king and I'm a lionheart [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mutually Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 05:45:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3163445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanLantern/pseuds/DeanLantern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I just came to check if everything is okay."<br/>"Yes, Ser. Everything is calm. We can hear Greenberg snoring from here though. You might have to wake him up when you get there." And with an afterthought the soldier added another "Ser".<br/>Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger. It was always the same recruit. He was an average fighter and more trouble than he was worth. If they hadn't needed every man they could get, Cullen would have probably already kicked him out.<br/>He could hear Trevelyan snickering behind him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing My Religion

Cullen couldn't sleep. Nightmares plagued his dreams and ripped him from the blackness of sleep every few hours since he'd stopped taking lyrium. His dreams forever marked by his encounter with the lust demon almost 10 years in the past. Lyrium had kept it at bay and soothed his troubled mind at night. But now that he wasn't taking it anymore, they came back. Cullen hadn't had a good night's sleep for months. If he could just close his eyes and blackout until the next day without waking up with terror still surging through his body, he would be more than thankful. But the maker hadn't shown much mercy to him so far in his life. Demons, blood mages and an insane knight-commander that had turned into lyrium. Cullen's life was marked by craziness and Cullen had lost faith. Templars were actually known for their unshakable faith in the Maker but was he even a Templar anymore? Hadn't he given up that life when he had joined the Inquisition? You can take the boy out of the order, but never the order out of the boy, they said. Was that even true? Would he never be able to turn away from his past mistakes? No matter how hard he tried? Would lyrium always rule his life? He sometimes wondered what his child-self would think of him now. All he had wanted to do back then was to protect people and in the end, he had helped in hurting the innocent. Sure, there had been several real blood mages but how many had Meredith killed and made Tranquil just to reach her insane goal?

Cullen shook his head. He would never find sleep like this. He got up and climbed down the ladder to his working quarters. He thought about putting on his armor for a few moments but decided against it. The clinking of him walking in it would probably wake some of the lighter sleepers. No need to wake someone else up this late at night. He would just go make his rounds to make sure that everything was alright and in working order. Maybe he would look after some of his soldiers that were on duty right now. Just because they had the late shift, didn't mean that they didn't have to reckon with their commander. It was a good way to keep them on their toes.

Cullen buckled his sword on and grabbed the coat that Josephine had given to him as a present a few days ago and put it over his shoulders. It may be spring but it was still fairly cold in Skyhold at night.

He opened the door to his tower and almost barreled into Trevelyan who was standing right in front of it.

"Good evening, Commander."

The Inquisitor was the first to recover. He always was. You could throw a high dragon at him and he would just blink at it for a second before trying to tame it so he could fly on its back. Damn, Iron Bull would probably help him with it. And Cole, the compassionate spirit. Or Varric. And thinking of it, where had Trevelyan found all these crazy-minded people that followed him? Cullen himself included. Sometimes at the war table, Cullen was left with the feeling of being the only sane man left in all of Skyhold.

"I had wondered whether you were still awake."

He gave Cullen a long, hard look that almost made his heart explode from anticipation.

"Seems like I was right. I couldn't sleep either."

The Inquisitor smiled at Cullen and Cullen couldn't help but smile dumbly back at him. Then he wanted to hit his head on a wall. Repeatedly. What was it about the other man that made him turn into a teenager with a crush? Not that he had ever been a teenager with a crush. That came a few years later and with a lot of stuttering and blushing.

"Inquisitor." He croaked and winced slightly. Great impression he was giving here.

"I just wanted to check on how my recruits are doing. Would you care to join me?"

Another friendly smile. Always friendly. Never more. Cullen had seen how Trevelyan acted around the Tevinter mage Dorian. Cullen liked Dorian. He was an honorable sort but Cullen couldn't help the jealousy that flared up inside of his stomach whenever he saw the two together. He was pathetic. Cullen knew that much. 

"Lead the way."

They walked silently side by side. So close that their hands brushed on occasion which made Cullen's heart flutter. He hadn't felt like this since he had been a freshly appointed Templar and dealing with a cheeky mage named Amell. Cullen hadn't changed that much since these days after all it seemed. Maybe he had transformed back into his old self? Just with a lot more baggage to carry it seemed.

"How did your last mission go, Inquisitor? You went after the Venatori with Dorian if I'm informed right." He tried to make conversation. His own heart made it a bit difficult to understand Trevelyan's answer what with how loudly it was beating.

"Then you are correctly informed, Cullen."

Cullen's heart skipped a beat at his given name on the Inquisitor's lips. What he wouldn't give to hear it all the time.

"We could have used the help of a strong Templar. Too bad you were needed here at Skyhold."

Trevelyan had approached him a few days ago to ask him on an important mission. He hadn't known they needed his talents as a former Templar to hunt down Venatori mages. So he had declined and advised them to take a few of his Templars with him if they needed help.

He remembered now that the Inquisitor had looked a bit disappointed that he had declined. Back then his courier had needed his attention as she was bringing information from Leliana so he hadn't really thought about it.

They reached the first battlements were some of his men were stationed.

"Commander!"

They jumped up from the crates they were sitting on and saluted.

"We didn't know you would come to see us tonight, Ser."

"At ease, soldier."

Cullen absentmindedly put a hand on his sword.

"I just came to check if everything is okay."

"Yes, Ser. Everything is calm. We can hear Greenberg snoring from here though. You might have to wake him up when you get there." And with an afterthought she added another "Ser".

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger. It was always the same recruit. He was an average fighter and more trouble than he was probably worth. If they hadn't needed every man they could get, Cullen would have probably already kicked him out. But he just couldn't get rid of the man otherwise.

He could hear Trevelyan snickering behind him.

"I'll leave you to it then."

The soldiers saluted once more before settling on their crates again.

"So...some of the recruits are giving you trouble?"

Cullen looked at Trevelyan who was walking beside him once more.

"Just the one. But he is enough trouble for three people."

"Were did we get him?"

"If I remember correctly, Inquisitor-" And he always did. "It was _your_ idea to bring him here from Crestwood after you found the mayor missing."

"Oops?"

The Inquisitor smiled apologetically at Cullen.

"Yes oops indeed."

Cullen sighed deeply. The man would be a nail in Cullen's coffin and for once he couldn't say if he meant Greenberg or the Inquisitor. Probably both. Very likely both of them.

Cullen could hear the foretold snoring as they came nearer. Trevelyan started snickering again. Could the man take nothing seriously? Cullen was slowly but surely losing his temper when he laid eyes on Greenberg's sleeping form. He kicked the snoring man lightly in the rips to wake him but he just kept sleeping.

`Deep breaths, Cullen.' He told himself in his mind. 'Deep breaths.'

He knelt down on the ground and tried to wake Greenberg by shaking him harshly. Nothing. Trevelyan was openly laughing behind him.

"Screw deep breaths.", he muttered angrily and stood up again. He loosened his recruit's sword from his belt and put it far away so nobody got hurt in a moment. Then he leaned down towards Greenberg's ear, took a deep breath (Maybe it was useful after all?) and screamed. Greenberg screamed back and grabbed for the sword that wasn't there anymore.

"Demons!"

No. No demons. Just a very angry Commander. The Inquisitor was surely lying on the floor rolling in laughter after this display but when he turned around Trevelyan was only grinning right back at him and giving him a thumbs up. Cullen flushed slightly. How embarrassing.

"Commander!"

Greenberg must have come to his senses.

"Yes." Cullen snarled. "How kind of you to finally notice. I don't even need to ask if everything is alright, do I?"

Greenberg had the nerve to look sheepish.

"Well, Ser. It was a fairly quiet night so far."

"And how would you know? We could have been overrun by a horde of rampaging Qunari and you wouldn't have noticed!"

Before Greenberg could put his foot further into his mouth, Trevelyan put a soothing hand on Cullen's arm.

"Nothing has happened, Commander. It's okay. We're save."

Trevelyan put his other hand also on Cullen's other arm.

Didn't Trevelyan understand? Protecting was what Cullen was good for. He had already failed at Haven and worked twice as hard to make up for his mistake afterwards. If not every man of his was at their best, Haven could happen again. What if Corypheus found them and staged a surprise attack in the middle of the night? They wouldn't see him coming until it was too late if they weren't constantly on the watch. Just one tiny mistake was all it took.

Cullen must have closed his eyes because when he opened them his recruit was nowhere to be seen. Greenberg must have had the sense to go back to his post and give the two of them some space.

"I am here to protect you."

"Well, the same goes for me, Cullen."

There was his name again. His stomach did a little somersault. Then he felt himself being pulled into a hug.

For a moment, he was immobilized but then his whole body came to life. Every pore in his body seemed to take notice of the object of his affections being in his arms. Or more like him being in theirs. His heart started pounding a mile a minute, his hairs stood up and a shiver went down his spine. The was the closest he had ever come to somebody he loved.

"I am safe, Cullen." Then Trevelyan repeated "We are safe."

"I will be your shield and your sword, Inquisitor. Never doubt that."

Make's breath! Could somebody please stop him from spouting ridiculous nonsense? He was most likely starting to sound like that horrible novel Cassandra loved to read.

"I won't." A little chuckle followed that answer. They were still hugging each other and Cullen finally relaxed in Trevelyan's arms. He put his head on the Inquisitor's broad shoulder.

"I love you."

There! It had finally slipped out. Now he had ruined everything! But instead of either being either pushed away or receiving a pitiful look, Trevelyan pulled him tighter and buried his nose in Cullen's hair.

"Please say that again."

Cullen blushed and tried to pull his head away but Trevelyan wouldn't let him.

'No, I'm not letting you hide now.' The Inquisitor's whole body seemed to say.

"I - I love you."

His words were barely audible.

Cullen could actually feel Trevelyan's smile against his hair.

"Again." He demanded.

"I love you." Cullen's words were a bit louder this time around.

"You realize, I'm going to make you say this every day until we die, right?"

Cullen was still a bit confused. This couldn't possibly mean?

"But I thought you and Dorian?"

"Hmm?"

Trevelyan pulled his head slowly away from Cullen's hair and took his face into his hands.

"Were just friends, Cullen."

Another slight chuckle.

"When we first met, he could see right through me and my feelings for you. I always thought you weren't interested.There was never any competition for my heart."

Then he grinned.

"Why? Were you jealous?"

When Cullen didn't answer but just blushed further, the Inquisitor laughed openly.

"You were! Wait until I tell Dorian. He was right!"

"You will not!" Cullen shot back. He would rather die then give Dorian even more ammunition against him to use during their chess games.

"No. I probably won't."

Before Cullen could inquire about the probably, Trevelyan pulled him close and brushed their lips together. And again. And again. Until they had to come up for air. Their kisses grew progressively more heated. Cullen had enough experience with kissing to know he didn't completely fail but he had never felt like this before. If he had thought himself alive when Trevelyan had just hugged him, it was nothing compared to this. Lightheaded, he thought that maybe everything that had happened to him so far had led him to this very moment. Maybe the Maker finally showed mercy and he could regain his faith. If not in the Maker that in the man in his arms. Where it had always belonged.

They came up for air again, panting, and rested their foreheads together.

"You're mine now, Commander."

"I've always been, Trevelyan."

**Author's Note:**

> And Greenberg is standing there like: "Commander? Oh! Do you need a moment? I'll be right here...don't mind me. At all."
> 
> In the beginning I was actually going to end this with Cullen's feelings being unrequited and Trevelyan really being with Dorian but I guess I got carried away there somewhere. So here have a fluffy ending. Every fandom can always use more fluff.


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